Packer Joke Thread (For Raptorman)

Cheesy topics (like the Cheese Curds thread) go here. Topics that aren't football related will be moved here as well.

Mmmm.... cheese.

Moderators: salmar80, NCF, JustJeff, packfntk, APB, BF004, mnkcarp

Packer Joke Thread (For Raptorman)

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:03 pm

With everything going on I thought I would poke a little fun.

A Green Bay Packer fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a joke about Minnesota Viking fans?”

The guy next to him replies, “Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I’m 6” tall and 220 pounds and I am a Viking fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2” tall, 240 pounds and he’s a Viking fan, and the guy sitting next to him is 6’5”, 280 pounds and he’s a Viking fan too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The Packer fan says, “Nah, not if I have to explain it three times.”
Last edited by packfntk on Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:23 pm

On the eve of a Sunday kickoff, this old Green Bay Packer fan couple went to bed at the Super 8 on Oneida street- just a mile or so away from Lambeau. The old guy farted and yelled out "7".

The old lady said what was that. He said he got a touchdown. I'm playing Fart Football. The old lady farted and yelled 7-7. The old man farted again 14-7. The old lady farted again tied 14-14.

The old lady sqeeked a little fart 17-14. The old man said what was that? She replied,

"I just kicked a field goal".

The old man layed there trying to push out another fart. He pushed so hard he crapped the bed. The old lady said what was that? The old man replied it's 1/2 time and time to switch sides.
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:27 pm

Good one. :lol:

Two guys from International Falls, Minnesota die and wake up in Hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming them selves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The two guys reply, "Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, the land of snow and ice and, ve're just happy for a chance to varm up a little bit, ya know." The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself." The two Minnesotans reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much varm veather up dere in da Falls, so ve've just got to have a fish fry vhen the veather's dis nice." The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning the temperature is 40 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail moan or gnash their teeth. The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Minnesotans. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.
The devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?" The Minnesotans look at the devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, if Hell froze over dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl."
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:28 pm

A University of Wisconsin-Green Bay professor reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
or illness, or a death in your immediate family, or even a hangover from the Packers game, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart a** guy in the back of the room wearing his Aaron Rodgers jersey, raised his hand and asked,

"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was
restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head
and sweetly said

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:33 pm

Three guys, a Dallas fan, a Packer fan, and a Viking fan are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Dallas Fan says, "I am a farmer, my Dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Texas."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Texas was forever made fertile for farming.
The Viking Fan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Minnesota so that no infidels, Bear Fans, or Packer Fans, can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF', there was a huge wall around Minnesota.
Izzy, the Wisconsinite asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:38 pm

Two Green Bay Packer fans are hunting out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps:

"My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says:

"Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says:

"OK, now what?"
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:38 pm

One foggy night, a Green Bay Packers fan was heading NorthWest from Green Bay and a Minnesota Vikings fan was driving East from Minneapolis. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Packers fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the Viking fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The Viking fan walks over to the Packer fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals." The Packers fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Packers fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Viking fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Viking fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Viking fan hands it back to the Packers fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Packers fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:43 pm

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too. No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Cheesehead."

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

“Why, I'm a proud Vikings Fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.

She asks Kristen why she is a rebel.

“Well, my mom and dad are Vikings Fans, so I'm a Vikings Fan too."

The teacher is now angry.

"That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron,
and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile.

“Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cheesehead"
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:43 pm

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to Visit the Coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile
when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man,
wearing a purple Vikings football jersey, was struggling frantically to
free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Green Bay Packers jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the sharks' side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding semiconscious, Vikings fan from the water. Then using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it in to the boat also. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there were some bitter hatred feelings between Green Bay Packers & Vikings but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true".

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that"? "It was the Pope", one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom". "Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know much about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one"?
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:44 pm

Haven't heard that one before. Pretty good.
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:45 pm

The Vikings challenged the Packers to an ice-fishing contest. When it came time for the catch weigh-in, the Packers had 100 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings demanded a rematch for the next Saturday.
This time the Packers came in with 200 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings decided the Packers must be cheating so they demanded another rematch, and sent a spy dressed in green and gold to check it out.
This time the Packers came in with 300 lbs., and the Vikings still had zero. So, the Vikings asked their spy if the Packers were cheating.
"Hell yes, they were cheating! They were drilling holes in the ice!"
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:48 pm

A Minnesota Viking family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Packer jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Packer fan and I would like this for Christmas". His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother". Off goes the little lad with the Packer jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Packer fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Packer jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Packer fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!" About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been a Packer fan for an hour and I already hate you Viking #$%!."
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby raptorman » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:48 pm

Two boys were playing football in a Minneapolis area
park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking
quickly, the other boy rips off a plank of the nearby
fence, wedges itdown the dog's collar & twists, breaking
the dog's neck. A reporter who was strolling by sees
the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Vikings Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,"
he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Vikings fan," the boy replied.
"Buccaneers Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack,"
the reporter starts again.
"I'm not a Buccaneers fan either," the boy said.
"Then what are you?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Packers fan."
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,
"Redneck #$%! Kills Family Pet."
Someone stole my car last night. I was going to call the police but I said "Screw it, let him explain the bodies in the trunk".
User avatar
raptorman
 
Posts: 6279
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:33 pm
Location: Sunny east coast of FL.

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:48 pm

Ha! That is pretty funny.
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Postby packfntk » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:49 pm

I personally like this one though:

Little Tommy was in the 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers cam up fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...Tommy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Tommy aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

" No," said Tommy, " He plays for the Minnesota Vikings, but I was too embarrassed to say so."
Image

Wisconsin Cheese is better than California Cheese.
User avatar
packfntk
Super Homer
Super Homer
 
Posts: 9670
Joined: Thu May 29, 2008 3:41 pm
Location: Green Bay Baby!

Next

Return to Cheesehead Chatter - PG

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest